South Park: The Stick of Truth
by YoungHero
Summary: A story I made based off of the game of the same name! Might make a sequel after this.
1. Warning

WARNING

I'm gonna assume most of the people that read this are South Park fans, but if you stumbled upon this story because of Google, bewarned. This story can be highly offensive. It is not my intent to make it so offensive, but it's just how South Park is: it's offensive to many people. If you are easily offended, then I do not recommend reading this story.


	2. Prologue

Deep in the lands of Zaron, the humans of Kupa Keep struggle to stay alive as they are attacked by the wicked Drow Elves of Larnion. Darkness falls as the humans beg their King to save them. A noble King, known only as the Grand Wizard. For a thousand years the battle has been waged, with only the bravery of the Grand Wizard to protect his human followers. But even though the Wizard King is so undeniably cool, the Drow Elf armies continue their attacks. They seek the human's most treasured relic - the Stick of Truth. But the tides of war are soon to change, as news of a "new" kid spreads throughout the land. In order to save the humans, the Grand Wizard must get to the new kid, before the drow elves can manipulate his mind and USE him, to take the sacred relic from human hands. For whomever controls the Stick... controls the universe...


	3. Beginnings

In the town of South Park, a new family was moving into a beautiful red house. The family consisted of a mother, a father, and their only child, Ben. Ben couldn't remember why he and his parents moved here, but he didn't care to know. He really wanted to make friends in this new town.

The parents were putting the boxes with their stuff in the living room. When they got the last of the boxes, the dad said, "Well, I think that's everything," as he walked over to his wife. "That's it, hon! We're really moved in!" the wife said happily.

The wife walked up to her son's new bedroom. "Hey honey. How do you like your new room?" the wife asked her son in a gentle tone. The kid had only one thing to say about his new room, "It's shitty, mom. I wanna just go on my computer right now," the kid complained.

Remember when I mentioned he wanted to make some friends? I meant he wanted to make friends on the internet. He's practically addicted to computers and the internet.

"You're gonna like this room and you're not gonna get your computer back!" the kid's mom snapped. "Me and your dad will be waiting downstairs, honey," the kid's mom said as she calmed down. She then gently closed the door.

After the kid explored his new room, he went downstairs. He only found his dad down there. The kid didn't know why, but his dad was too protective most of the time, but he weirdly still let him go outside. He just assumed that he did that because he thought that Ben needed to go outside. Ben saw his dad on his phone, texting. "Well, well, well. Looks like I'm not the only tech hoarder here," Ben said to his dad with a smug grin. Ben's dad glared at him.

"Why don't you go outside and make some friends?" his dad asked. The moment Ben heard the word "outside" he dashed up the stairs and locked himself in his bedroom. "You can't make me!" Ben said in a teasing tone. Ben laughed and went over to his bed, but he tripped and fell out of the window.

Luckily for Ben, there was a pile of snow beneath where he fell. Ben shook off the snow and realized how cold it was. Ben was about to go back in to warm up, when he heard the shouts and cries of what sounded like...a fight?

Ben was never one for fighting. Ben knew how weak and powerless he was physically. Even though he didn't want to get involved, he was just too curious, and decided to follow the sound.

His ears eventually led him to two kids fighting with...weapons? Ben was pretty confused, but also amazed. This fight almost seemed like it was straight out of one of his favorite types of computer games, RPGs. You know, those games with health and mana and stuff like that.

"I shall smite thee with my hammer, drow elf!" yelled someone who reminded Ben a lot of Thor, strangely. "Nuh-uh!" the kid's opponent replied. "Uuuuuh, I banish thee to the forest realm!" the first kid yelled. This kid was obviously running out of ideas. "No way, I banish you first!" the kid's opponent yelled back. The kid's opponent stabbed the first kid. "Ah ha! You can't hold out much longer!" the kid's opponent yelled. The first kid dropped his hammer and yelled, "SOMEBODY! HELP! I can't hold out much longer!" the first kid yelled.

Ben couldn't help but laugh. The two kids obviously heard it and looked at Ben, confused. Ben noticed them looking at him and said, "Oh, sorry. I just couldn't help but laugh! If this was a fight in one of my online RPGs, I would've beaten that guy that's dressed up as an elf in mere seconds!" Ben explained as he laughed.

"H-hey, who are you?" the first kid asked. "Name's Ben. Maybe I could help you a bit by putting your opponent at a disadvantage," said Ben. Ben walked over to the kid that's dressed up as an elf, and kicked him right in the...well...that'll just be for me to know and you to find out. The kid collapsed on the sidewalk and screamed in pain. "You douchebag! That's cheating!" the kid dressed up as an elf yelled. "All's fair in love and war, my friend," Ben said with a smug look.

"Thanks for helping me out there," the first kid said. "Wait, I haven't seen you here before. Wait, you must be the New Kid! Follow me!" the first kid said. Ben was confused, but he decided to follow the kid anyway. Ben chatted with the kid along the way, and found out that his name is Butters. Ben thought that was a weird name, but he decided to go with it anyway.

Soon, the two stopped at a tall green house. Butters knocked on the door. A kid wearing a wizard outfit opened the door. "All hail the Grand Wizard!" Butters yelled. The "Grand Wizard" walked up to Butters and slapped him. "Butters, what the fuck do you want," the Grand Wizard asked. "Oh Grand Wizard, I found the New Kid!" Butters explained. The Grand Wizard turned to Ben. "Oh, now he notices me?" Ben said impatiently. "Shut up! I...errrr...don't have good eyesight. Anyways, follow me, New Kid," said the Grand Wizard.

The Grand Wizard led Ben to his backyard, which he had transformed into a kingdom. "Welcome, New Kid...to the Kingdom of Kupa Keep!" the Grand Wizard exclaimed. The Grand Wizard showed Ben around.

"So, care to explain WHY you looked for me?" Ben asked. "New Kid, humans everywhere are in grave danger. I need something from you, and in return, you can visit my kingdom whenever you like. I know you are very excited. It's time for your first quest, but first, tell us thy name," the Grand Wizard explained. Ben was about to say his actual name, but he remembered that all great heroes had titles. Ben decided to make his own little title his name in this game. "Douchebag. My name is Douchebag," Ben said, trying to sound proud. The Grand Wizard chuckled a little.

"Okay, Douchebag, now, what class will you be?" the Grand Wizard asked through his slight laughing. Ben thought about the 4 basic classes in an RPG, and he decided to go with his lucky class, "Warrior! I shall be a warrior!" Ben said triumphantly. "We welcome to our kingdom, Douchebag the Warrior!" the Grand Wizard shouted. "Hooray!" Butters exclaimed.

This is just the beginning of Douchebag's...errrrr...I mean BEN's journey. He will face many perils, both a part of the game, and many that aren't a part of the game. Ben and his new friends had no idea about the events that would follow Ben's arrival. Ben will have to face hall monitors, aliens, zombies, and even the government. Ben will have to risk life and limb for his new friends. This, my friends, is the story of how a simple kid, learned that he wasn't so simple.


	4. The Stick of Truth

The Grand Wizard told Ben to go to the weapons shop, and go to the weapons shop he did. Ben bought a sword with his allowance. Ben was now ready for training.

The Grand Wizard walked over to Ben when he made his purchase. "Ah, you have procured yourself a weapon. It is now time to teach you to fight. I want you to take your weapon, and, with the bravery of a noble knight-beat up Clyde," The Grand Wizard said, pointing to the weapons seller to show that he was Clyde. Clyde was shocked and yelled at the Grand Wizard. "Dude, just deal with it. Besides, I SHOULD get some training. As far as I know, I've never handled an actual weapon," said Ben. Clyde sighed. "Fine," said Clyde. Ben and Clyde got into fighting stances.

"I'm gonna kick your ass!" Clyde yelled tauntingly. "Clyde, you have to wait your turn," the Grand Wizard explained. Clyde was even more angry. "That's lame!" Clyde yelled. "No, Clyde! It's like the Middle Ages! In the Middle Ages, people took turns fighting each other!" the Grand Wizard yelled.

"H-hey...g-guys...I-I'm getting a weird feeling..." said Ben. Suddenly, Ben shouted as he started moving, but he wasn't controlling himself, almost like he was being possessed. Ben acted very swift and stabbed Clyde in the knee. Clyde collapsed, his knee in pain. "Wow, Douchebag! You're a natural!" the Grand Wizard exclaimed.

"B-but...th-that wasn't..." Ben decided to stop talking, as it was now Clyde's turn, and Clyde was running right towards Ben. Ben got that weird feeling all over him again and he blocked all of Clyde's attacks with ease. "Wow, Douchebag! You're already WAY better than Clyde!" the Grand Wizard exclaimed. Ben was confused. 'What's going on? How can I block these attacks and swing my sword with ease, when I've never had any training in weapons?' Ben thought. Ben's thoughts were soon interrupted by Clyde. "Come on, Douchebag! Hurry up!" Clyde yelled. "I'm thinking!" Ben yelled back.

Ben realized this would be a long fight if he just kept attacking and blocking. Ben would soon get exhausted and wouldn't be able to fight anymore. Suddenly, Ben noticed a baseball bat and a baseball lying on the ground, and got an idea. He dropped his sword, grabbed the baseball bat and baseball, and grinned. "Hey Clyde! You ready for this?" Ben yelled smugly. Ben ran at Clyde. As he ran, he threw the baseball into Clyde's face, disorienting Clyde. Then, Ben whacked Clyde with the baseball bat. Clyde was badly hurt. Ben grinned. "Now that's what I call assault and battery! Haha! Hey, I should call the move that, "assault and battery" has a sort of ring to it," said Ben.

"Wow, way to wipe that smile off of his face, Douchebag! That was clever thinking!" said the Grand Wizard. "Thanks," Ben replied. The baseball bat was still intact and he had grabbed the baseball. He decided to finish off Clyde with this new attack of his. As Clyde ran towards Ben, Ben quickly threw the ball at Clyde's face, which once again disoriented him, then bashed him until the baseball bat broke. Ben decided he would repair it with duct tape later. Clyde cried and ran behind his shop.

The Grand Wizard laughed. "Dude, that was awesome!" he exclaimed. "You were all like BRAMMGMG! And Clyde was all like AGHG! NO!" the Grand Wizard continued. The Grand Wizard laughed again. "Okay, okay. You've proven yourself worthy, Douchebag. Now come inside and I shall let you see the relic," the Grand Wizard explained.

Ben walked inside the tent the Grand Wizard went into. "Well, here it is. The reason Humans and Elves are locked in a never ending war. The relic for which human and elf are willing to die for. The Stick of Truth," the Grand Wizard explained. Ben was transfixed. Sure, it was just a plain old stick, but...Ben had that weird feeling again when he approached the stick. The Grand Wizard grabbed him, and forced himself and Ben to look away. "Don't gaze at it too long, Douchebag! It's power is too much for mere mortals to look at!" the Grand Wizard yelled. They both turned around. "Now that you've seen the Stick of Truth, let's discuss your dues. Being a member of my kingdom costs $9.95 for the first week, four dollars of which is a tax deductable-" the Grand Wizard was interrupted by Butters, who was yelling "ALARM!" over and over again. "Someone has sounded the alarm!" the Grand Wizard exclaimed. 'No dur, lardo' Ben thought to himself. Ben silently chuckled, then went outside to see what was going on.

The Grand Wizard was busy dealing with a ton of Elves, so Ben had to take charge. "Clyde! Over here!" Ben shouted. Clyde hurried over to Ben. "Clyde, protect the stick, okay?" said Ben. Clyde nodded and hurried over to the tent to guard it.

Ben saw that Butters was in trouble, so he hurried over to Butters and attacked the elves that were attacking Butters, an elven swordsman and an elven archer.

The elven swordsman dashed towards Ben. Ben felt that weird feeling again and he blocked all the attacks with blinding speed. The elven swordsman was startled and fell back. Ben took the opportunity and stabbed his opponent. Soon, the battle was over, and Ben sent those elves packing. Ben looted his two opponents and got a bow. Ben then shot his next opponent to disorient him, then attacked him. Ben dashed at the elven swordsman he shot, but the elven swordsman knocked him back. Ben realized he was in a special kind of stance. He couldn't hurt him with a melee attack. He had to use his bow. Ben got out three arrows and shot the kid. All 3 arrows hit the kid. Ben laughed in satisfaction. Suddenly, the kid switched to a different stance. Ben analyzed the stance, and realized he was now ready for his arrows. Ben switched to his sword. Now wielding the sword, he felt that strange feeling again. He dashed towards the kid and rapidly slashed at him. The kid cried and ran away.

Ben's new enemy was an Elven Sentinel. The Elven Sentinel got out a wooden shield. Ben just smashed it to bits with his sword. Once the shield was destroyed, the elf was exposed. "Oh shit," were the elf's last words. Ben then destroyed the other elf's armor. Ben had soon sent all the drow elves packing!

Ben felt very accomplished, until Clyde came with some bad news.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!" the Grand Wizard was obviously pissed off. "I...I tried to stop them, Wizard King, but, they were too powerful and they took the stick!" Clyde exclaimed. "That's it, Clyde! I hereby banish you from space and time!" the Grand Wizard yelled. Clyde obviously was pissed off and ran away. Even though the Grand Wizard was pissed at Clyde, he gave Ben praise. Soon, the Grand Wizard gave Ben another mission: seek out Tweek the Barbarian, Token the Healer, and Craig the Thief. Ben bought some gear from the new shop owner and set off to find them.


	5. Pepper Spray Repellant

As Ben was walking through South Park, he felt his phone vibrate. He got a message on Facebook. He checked his phone. It was Clyde, and he wasn't happy. No siree. Ben had a bad feeling about Clyde now, but he decided to just let future Ben take care of it, and continued walking through town.

Soon, Ben arrived at Token's place, and boy was he surprised to see the big gate, and the security guard. This kid must be freaking rich! Ben stared at the house in awe, that is, until the security guard pepper sprayed him. Ben screamed in pain and ran through South Park, not knowing where he was going at all.

Suddenly, Ben felt his phone vibrate. He could just barely read Cartman's message through his tears. Apparently Butters posted a video of him getting pepper sprayed. "Dammit, Butters!" Ben yelled.

Ben then noticed a comment on the post. It said that a place called Jimbo's Guns sells gas masks! Perfect! Ben hurried over there, following his map and trying not to ruin it with tear stains.

Ben soon found the place. "Hey, I heard you have gas masks...can I have one? and also...is there a way to get this fucking pepper spray out of my eyes?!" Ben asked. After the shop owners, who's names were apparently Jimbo and Ned, helped get rid of the pepper spray in Ben's eyes, Ben bought a gas mask, and headed back to Token's house.

The security guard pepper sprayed Ben again, and this time, it didn't work. The security guard was shocked. "What the fuck? Oh NO!" the security guard cried out. The security guard got out a baton and Ben was forced to fight against him.

Ben tried fighting him, but soon, he was getting exhausted, and so was Butters. Suddenly, Ben thought he heard a voice. The voice said something about rock paper scissors...wait a minute. Rock paper scissors? How does that game have anything to do at all with this story?! ...Eh, whatever. Ben was surprised, but soon got an idea. "Wait, wait. Dude, aren't you a bit bored and exhausted? Maybe we should take a little break and play some rock paper scissors," said Ben. The security guard agreed. So, they played a round of rock paper scissors.

"Rock"

"Paper"

"NUTS!"

Ben kicked the security guard in the balls. The security guard collapsed, crying from the pain. Ben laughed, took a picture, and posted it on facebook saying "Guys, I just kicked this security guard's ass! We played a round of rock paper scissors, and I totally tricked him and kicked him right in the balls! XD"

Ben hurried into the gate before the security guard got back up and knocked on Token's door.

A kid answered the door. Ben assumed he was Token. "Yeah? Can I help you?" Token asked. "The Grand Wizard and the other humans need your help...wait a minute, wears your costume for the game?" said Ben. "Oops. Be right back," said Token. Token left for a while, then came back with his costume for the game. "Thank you, thy traveller. I shall make haste to Kupa Keep," said Token. Token went back into his house, asking his mom to drive him to Eric's house. Ben assumed that Eric must be the Grand Wizard's real name.

'That's one down, 2 more to go. The next one is Tweek.' Ben thought to himself.


End file.
